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Spongebob Rectal Thermometer
by jerry
February 19, 2008 1:05 am


spongebobrectal1.jpg

Are you ready to put this in your “Bikini Bottom”?

spongebobrectal2.jpg I was shopping at the supermarket yesterday when I came upon a unique piece of Nickelodeon merchandising - a Spongebob Squarepants Musical Rectal Thermometer! Yes, it’s musical. And yes, it’s clearly marked for rectal use. It actually plays the Spongebob theme in your ass when your temperature is taken!

Spongebob is a huge success, and merchandise like this literally sticks it to the competition. But this product ranks with the infamous Mickey Mouse vibrator as one of the most miscast in cartoon licensing history! What were they thinking? Spongebob has enough trouble regarding his sexual identity. Ren & Stimpy may have been a better choice here… but Spongebob? Nah!

02/19/08  1:12am
Jenny says:

heh, well it does say oral, underarm, OR rectal thermometer.

02/19/08  3:17am
Chris Sobieniak says:

Why am I’m not surprised by this, TELL ME!?! :-)

02/19/08  3:37am
wundermild says:

If I hadn’t known that sponges (porifera) generally multiply by budding (asexually), or by releasing spermatocytes freely into the invironment (for sexual reproduction), I could possibly have mistaken the thermal sensor coming down the square pants for a reproductive organ.
By the way, poriferans are generally hermaphrodites. (And no, they have no anal orifice.)
Jerry, this entry made my day.

02/19/08  3:53am

I cease to be surprised at all. Actually, it just about sums up all my feelings on the franchise. And I didn’t even have to directly say anything about it.

02/19/08  4:26am
Andrew N. says:

Amazing how… :ahem: DEEP marketeers can go these days to profit a few more coins from a character.

02/19/08  4:56am
C. Augusto Valdés says:

“Rectal” and “Musical” are two words that should NEVER ever go together!

02/19/08  7:09am
Stephan says:

It’s pretty impressive alright…

02/19/08  7:11am

That is about as FUNNY a post to wake up to as can be!! Thank YOO!

02/19/08  7:19am
david says:

I think it’s a pretty good idea! Crazy and weird, yes, but what little kid is gonna want a rectal thermometer up their butt? but if they see Spongebob, they might just be more likely to cooperate.

next up:
Spongebob vaccination needles!

02/19/08  7:54am
EdK says:

I wouldn’t pay full price for one of these - I’ll wait and get a second hand one!

02/19/08  7:56am

Ha! Bound to lead to emotional scars, or some really odd fetishes that’ll pop up in twenty years. I can only imagine a child looking back over its shouder to see SpongeBob singing Are you ready kid?!

02/19/08  9:21am
Edwin Austin says:

I’ll wait for the Hello Kitty version

02/19/08  9:24am
rachel says:

My guess is that they’re thinking the music & the fun character will make kids less reluctant to have their temperature taken “that” way– which I guess makes sense in theory–but seeing the actual product, there’s something just really really disturbing about the idea of Spongebob’s big neon yellow head sticking out of someone’s rear while the SBSP theme songs plays. Ick!

02/19/08  10:00am
Pedro Nakama says:

Ouch!

02/19/08  10:04am
tom says:

Show us on the dolly where Spongebob touched you, Timmy.

Whiskey tango foxtrot why on earth did they license this thing?

02/19/08  10:14am

02/19/08  10:17am

Sorry, Spongebob. My butt makes music the old-fashioned way.

http://www.ehow.com/images/GlobalPhoto/Articles/2000972/bbeans2_Full.jpg

02/19/08  10:55am
red pill junkie says:

It is the same mentality of piñata makers here in Mexico: whenever there’s a birthday party, the parents buy a piñata of the kid’s favorite character; which has never made any sense to me, because why do parents think the kid wants to beat the crap out of his/her hero just to get some candy from its innards??

I still remember the tears of my nephew when he was 4 years old and his parents encouraged him to beat this piñata of Barney they had bought. But don’t worry though, I took care of that purple freak well and good :-)

02/19/08  10:59am
Mr. Semaj says:

Mr. Krabs would have a few things to say for this naughty nautical merchandise…

02/19/08  11:39am
Floyd Norman says:

Animation executives have been doing just fine without this device.

Yowch!

02/19/08  12:20pm
Killroy McFate says:

Look for it next to The Fairly Odd Parents Enema Bags at your favorite store!

02/19/08  12:27pm
joecab says:

I *HOPE* this was created as a strict ploy to make money rather than someone thinking “is there a way to make taking a kid’s temperature in their butt … fun?”

This is also one of those things that you wonder what the point is, since when you’re using it you can’t exactly see it, can you? You know, like Bluetooth earpieces that light up.

02/19/08  1:25pm
Some Guy says:

If you were Spongebob, would you know which hole to stick in?

02/19/08  3:08pm
Zekey says:

Who lives inbetween your buttcheeks under the sea?
spongebob rectal thermometer!
cold and sterile and pointy is he!
spongebob rectal thermometer!
if cold metal in anus is something you wish,
spongebob rectal thermometer??
than read the instructions and insert it like THIS
spongebob rectal thermometer!
spongebob rectal
spongebob rectal
spongebob rectal
ther-mom-eee-teerrrrrr
yah ha ha ha haarrrrr

02/19/08  3:24pm
Guy That Ruins Joke says:

Technically, it doesn’t have to be a *rectal* thermometer — the writeup on that site says it can be used as an oral or underarm thermometer, too…

02/19/08  3:29pm
top cat james says:

Wouldn’t the music be muffled?

02/19/08  3:39pm
Vern says:

These things are just flyin’ off the shelves in San Francisco. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

02/19/08  4:14pm
Jay Kormann says:

SpongeBob SquareAss

02/19/08  4:20pm
fishmorg says:

This… ia an absolutely perfect combination of character and product. The function this character was born to perform.

02/19/08  4:26pm
c.tower says:

A MICKEY vibrator and a SPONGEBOB rectal thermometer? Wow, they got us coming AND going! (At least I know Mickey really HAS come from The Happiest Place On Earth…)

02/19/08  5:00pm
Keith Bryant says:

What’s next? Mr. Crabs lice ointment?

02/19/08  6:36pm

Both rectal AND oral???

Oh wow. I think once I used a thermometer as a rectal one, it would STAY a rectal one.

02/19/08  7:18pm

Dear Sir, I do not think that you have fully grasped the humor of this situation. Do not imagine being the advertising executive for SpongeBob who pitched this, but rather imagine being the Rectal Thermometer manufacturer who agrees to it.

02/19/08  9:08pm
A Kaplan says:

I have to agree with my old pal Uncle Wayne, it sure is funny. Can you imagine seeing that silly grinning face sticking out of your butt… that’ll certainly give you a fever. It looks like you’re giving birth.

Instead of playing his theme song I’d opt for the Lynrd Skynrd classic “That Smell” as being more appropriate. But wouldn’t the whole idea have been better suited for another cartoon character… R. Crumb’s Mr. Snoid!

02/19/08  10:28pm
Stephen says:

Gives a whole new meaning to the “Ripped Pants” episode.

02/20/08  3:19am
David says:

I have a question for the smarter folks:
When is an oral adminstration of a thermometer insufficient? What’s the deal?
I think it’s really the doctors/uncles with the “preference.”

“Sorry, little Jimmy, but since it’s a Thursday, your mouth isn’t calibrated. Bend over.”

02/20/08  7:00am
Kevin Wollenweber says:

When people are considering other characters for a device like this, I think that the obvious choice has not yet been considered–Mr. Hanky, of course!!

02/20/08  8:14am
zavkram says:

I believe that when the package says, “Rectal, Underarm, or Oral” the implication is that consumers will choose ONLY ONE of these options and NOT ALL THREE on an alternating basis…

Spongebob: “Does your thermometer taste DIFFERENT lately…?”

I have a friend with a 5-month-old son who has a pair of Spongebob Squarepants slippers. I might actually get this for her as a gag gift!

02/20/08  10:36am
Steve Gattuso says:

I see this as an enormous tweak of the nose by the people at Nick. If I had such a weird character to play with, I’d be trying to come up with oddball things to use it on as well. Maybe a brand of ice axe, or ear wax remover. Maybe even official unsafe fireworks!

02/20/08  5:08pm

And I thought there were too many Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer things on the market than necessary. Bring on the Cars Hair Removal Wand!

02/22/08  9:07pm
J Hobart B says:

David’s right - It’s really not that strange. Not only is rectal use only one of several options listed on the packaging, but this is obviously supposed to be for very young kids. VERY young kids.

Young kids who, you know, probably aren’t thrilled about having to have their temperature taken ANYWHERE, but most certainly not their butts? Young kids who maybe might find the idea a little more agreeable if one of their cartoon pals is present during the ordeal? Right?

Sounds like a pretty good idea to me, actually.

02/23/08  8:39pm
Judy says:

If it came in a Tinky Winky version, I’d buy it!

Just as an aside, I worked as an RN for 25 years and in all that time, I NEVER took a rectal temperature, other than on newborn babies, and that was as much to check that they had a patent anus (oops, sorry, hope I’m allowed to say that here) as to measure their temperature.

02/23/08  8:53pm
Gerrit says:

I totally love it

02/23/08  9:49pm
Mary says:

This is just plain wrong to start with.

And then it turns out to be musical.

Just, wow.

And regarding rectal temperatures, you have to take them with kids too young to hold thermometers in their mouths for over a few seconds and unable to hold still for underarm temperature taking. My seven year olds still can’t reliably use an oral thermometer. Underarm has been fine for several years though.

Of course, you can avoid rectal thermometers altogether by using an ear thermometer that registers in just a few seconds.

So the idea that people (and I am not limiting this to PARENTS for all too obvious reasons) might use a singing Spongebob rectal thermometer is even more disturbing.

02/23/08  9:51pm
Blabbinit says:

Well, I hate to say that it sounds a bit different, but I assume that it at least might distract the kids a bit while they are getting their temperature taken. I know that my kids would like it. And most people don’t take temperatures rectally anyways. The doctor basically says that you just add a degree if you take it under the arm. I am sure this one could be used both ways.

02/23/08  11:16pm
nedders says:

Guess which end do you shove in?

02/24/08  1:31am
Penny says:

Thanks - I have been looking for unique niche market items to sell on eBay and on my website, it’ll be a lot of fun writing my adsense campaign for this one! “Spongebob For Your Butt” is so catchy!

02/24/08  4:07am
nedders says:

Silly me! Just tried it - only the pointy end fits in your mouth. The square end could be a bit of a better shape but will fit the rear if you push hard enough. (Hard to hear the music though).

02/24/08  9:59am
Ceaser says:

The Mickey Vibrator is actually sort of cute. Unlike the Spongebob Thermometer, it actually seems tasteful. I’m just wondering how Disney allowed this…

02/24/08  11:00am
Zippy says:

That rocks!

I’m still waiting for my Pikachu tazer.

02/24/08  2:14pm
Rick says:

Y’know, all those years ago when I said “You can take that ‘Spongebob” crap and shove it up your ass”, I really didn’t think it would go this far.

02/24/08  2:42pm
Mrchapel0971 says:

Whats the difference between and oral and rectal thermometer?
The taste!

To Ceaser…Sponge Bob is owned by Nickelodeon, not Disney…which if ya think about it…is even more disturbing!

02/24/08  4:26pm

The best part about weird stuff like this is all the wicked commentary it generates. I love reading the opinions people have about what is and isn’t a good idea to put in your butt.

02/24/08  5:30pm
captain obvious says:

Well, it’s rather obvious that the Mickey Mouse Vibrator is a counterfeit knock-off item, probably made in china. (note how it says “Good Guy” instead of “Mickey” and nowhere does it have the Disney brand name) So, that makes the officially licensed Spongebob rectal thermometer much more, er, surprising.

02/24/08  5:57pm
Hygenist says:

Underarm, rectal and oral… don’t think I’d want it in my mouth after that.

And why doesn’t it have a compass, an alarm-clock, flash-light and miniature radio?

02/24/08  6:24pm
Dotty says:

You know spongebob already scares me, so does the word rectal thermometer. Put them both together and you’ll find me hiding under my bed. The fact that it actually plays the spongebob them in your ass while it’s taken, well thats just slightly disturbing. NO I take that back. It’s VERY disturbing. If I was a kid and I saw a doctor or my mum coming near me with that thing, I think I’d have nightmares for the rest of my life.

02/24/08  7:09pm
dave says:

LOL I bet the right wing bible thumpers have a fit about this one !! remember when they said his nose looked like a penis ??LOL

02/24/08  10:41pm
Lee says:

You all need to grow up! It is a typical digital thermometer. They all say the same thing. If your kid was sick and scared to have their temperature taken the Spongebob Digital Thermometer would probably be pretty relaxing to them if they liked Spongebob.

02/24/08  11:36pm
Savannah says:

oh wow…that makes me sad.

02/25/08  5:34am
Julia says:

I want one! My son would love it!

02/25/08  6:12am

remember the famous bloopers show when gene eubanks was m.cing? well, they did a blooper of a newlywed game and the participant wife actually wrote the answer as: “…up the butt, bob…”. and there you have it !

i have a 5 yr old and my husband is a physician. we have NEVER taken a rectal temp of our child/children. in fact, NONE of the professionals have, nor do any of the parents we know. temps are generally taken under the arm (the axillary region) and it is noted as this, on the chart. (either orifice could pose a problem w/a sick child.)

now, imagine spongebob playing music while a sick child is having his underarm temp taken. that kinda makes sense … but i still would never buy this item or encourage other moms to. there is a reality check here and professionals should have professinal equipment to assist the kids and teach them that fear should not be associated w/a medical professional. would ‘an up the butt bob’ do that?

ridiculous! so …….. poor nick - the licensing of this item could be ‘up the butt at bikini bottom’ ………………

02/25/08  8:21am
Steve says:

If you can jazz up something mundane like a thermometer I say go for it. Can’t you see them using a Desparate Housewives likeness? or someone from Lost? as long as you aren’t paying a super premium over the cost…

02/25/08  12:53pm
jp says:

Its pretty funny but doesn’t need a page of comments. spongebob idb ftw!

02/25/08  1:39pm

Nice find, Jerry! Too funny…

I never expected Spongebob to get me in the end…
(Patrick, yes. Maybe even Squidward?)

02/25/08  2:54pm
Hans says:

I’m 31, and i want one. I love SpongeBob and this is really cool.

02/25/08  4:54pm
dick says:

I suspect a tie-in with a forthcoming Spongebob movie. Title? I dunno.

02/26/08  7:18am
Horst says:

I sense a great disturbance in the arse.

As if a million theme tunes played in oblivion and were suddenly crapped on.

;)

02/26/08  10:51am
Spongebob 'Tear'pants says:

I like how the thermometer is cleverly positioned where SB’s penis would be. Look how excited he is! You can tell he is hoping for oral or rectal and not armpit! Oh, and don’t forget to slide a plastic sheath over the tip so we don’t spread “germs”! I wonder if looking at the other side of the thermometer reveals two little yellow balls hanging out of his pants.

02/26/08  2:05pm
Julia says:

And the comments are getting funnier and funnier. I love it.
If anyone is offended. Get over it. LOL
I have a non sponge pants thermometer that is good for the arse too but i’d never use that for a child. It’s just the stupidity of the thought of licensing SB for a normal thermometer of which they are all good for armpit, tongue and arse.
I think Gary’s eyes are poppin!!

03/15/08  7:21am

I still love a lot of things as an adult that I loved as a child. Bugs Bunny, Transformers, Batman, He-Man, Hotwheels, Tom and Jerry, just to name a few.

I have a feeling that I would love any and all of these things much, much less today had they ever been shoved up my bum as a child.

03/22/08  12:50pm

Ahhh love fridays at Nick.

03/31/08  10:14am
S.Funk says:

Ren and Stimpy rectal thermometers? What about anal probing with Invader ZIM? You could use it to provide much-needed laughs at a mental institution, and dare your drunk-out-of-their-minds frat buddies to stick the wrong end in. Any one of the enormous, spiky-headed, angular noggins of the main characters would REALLY REALLY HURT.

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