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Computer Animated Movie-Writers Checklist
 April 16, 2011 8:30 pm
Today’s “Strange Brew” by John Deering. Care to add to this list?
(Thanks, Kurtis Findlay)
124 comments
posted in Comics, Strange Brew 
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YES!!
Name one computer-animated movie that does not have anything on the writers’ checklist.
Finding Nemo? Aww damnit! One of the crabs did Kung Fu didn’t they?
Ha lol
Yeah it was brief and I don’t exactly know the discipline but it was definitely some sort of Kung Fu
Toy Story 3 :)
Up. All 3 Toy Story movies. Monsters Inc. only checks off the crotch test.
Add to that the interview with the Hollywood starlet doing the voice who said, “My character is a very strong woman. That’s what attracted me to the script.”
Oh, and add to that: “UNLIKE those princesses in those old, dated animated films who did nothing but wait for their prince. Of course, I haven’t seen them but my staff has done research into old stuff.
“And I wanted to be in a movie my child could see, unlike my movies. Did I mention that I don’t let my child watch television?”
“How To Train Your Dragon” is the only CG animated film I know of that has that trope, though I guess in a way “Up” had it as well. Oh, and “Ratatouille.”
Of course, most 3D animated films I have seen didn’t feature love stories between two young people, or at least films I remember well…
It was all a dream, no wait, that’s a student film
And Inception.
Sometimes true isn’t funny.
14. All the characters are cross-eyed.
I can’t be the only person who instantly realized that everything on this comic’s “list” has appeared in maybe 2 Dreamworks movies tops. And more or less in every piece of entertainment ever made, outside of animation.
Sorry but I find this just stupid, way off base, and not even based in reality or indicating any humor or insight.
Let’s look at this.
1. Only appears in Kung Fu Panda, and even then it’s kind of the point. Isn’t it?
2. Again, has this really happened in more than 2 CGI films? Doesn’t this happen to be far more overused in say… EVERY OTHER type of “comedy” live action film?
3. Again, uhm… This is a valid commentary about ALL films. It’s an overused trope for MOVIES. Not CGI films but all films, especially those targeted at a “hip” demographic.
Seriously. Tell me, What is the author trying to prove here, other than the fact that he’s woefully out of touch and about as timely as a broken clock?
4. Again, what the hell? Isn’t this AGAIN, a trope of not just every movie ever made, but of every cartoon, live action film, movie, TV show, stage play, comic strip, or video game ever made?
Why is this even titled “Computer Animated Movie Checklist.” You could re-title it “Movie Checklist” or “Television Show Checklist” or and you couldn’t change a thing.
How is this the least bit witty? I could make a satirical comic strip that states “The Sky is blue” but that isn’t really insightful or funny. Just a blank observation of a painfully obvious fact that applies to 1000% more than the one oddly, and strangely specific thing this refers to.
Maybe not a smack in the face but surely just take a look in the drawer and maybe get rid of the ‘prescribed’ medication!
Yeahhhh…mebbe a LITTLE too emotionally involved there, me lad me trout me weasel. Take Dani’s advice, head down to Timmy’s, grab yerself a decaf and a donut and relax, before you pop a hemorrhoid er sumpin’.
Yes sir Mr. Katzenberg.
What you’ve just said, is the most idiotic thing i have ever read. At no point, in your rambling response were you at all close to getting the joke of the strip. Everyone in this forum is now dumber for having read it. I agree with Dani Boy, take a break and May God have mercy on your soul.
Not sure, but I think Rio hits all of them within the trailer.
Showplease, writing as a person who has written far too much and eventually realizing the very want to express anything was pointless, I think you should have just focused on how sloppy the gag cartoon is.
The very fact that people are willing to overlook the mistakes in the “Strange Brew” cartoon and like this particular one means the gag works for people. They get the joke. So, that’s a good thing.
I’ll be the first to mention the cartoonist mis-spelled the word “different” and the drawing of the pencil is totally messed up.
That said, guys, cut Showplease slack.
There’s a ton of cliches in most movies; she’s/he’s right about that.
But, i think too many things nowadays are half-baked lists instead of solid stories.
(the irony is that very “Strange Brew” “comic” really is only a comic because of a bad drawing of a hand holding a pencil and whatever that blue thing is. Otherwise, it is a one panel gag cartoon that is just a list)
I did not take this as a swipe primarily at Dreamworks films. A lot of cartoons and live-action “comedies” made in the last ten years have featured some or all of these tropes. Dreamworks may be guilty of some of them in each of their films, but they are hardly alone.
Martial arts throwaway gag in shrek, and several others. Etc etc. This is a very dreamworks list.
…I include myself in this by the way, just before any stones are thrown.
Cartoon Brew: The Comic Strip
This list is more for a student film then an animated feature.
20. Make the hero a geek to empathize with your audience. Remember most of them are the ones who can afford overpriced movie tickets.
Bonus: make it a really hackneyed, obvious, easy reference.
“[Name], I am your father.”
Oh, GOD….they really, really need to “retire” that one. No more Original Star Wars trilogy references, unless it’s something really original and unexpected. Also, no more “Beam me up Scotty” or “Houston, we have a problem.”
Movies that use these references in any way that is not itself parodying their overuse in every other movie automatically earn my ire.
Something cute, goes out and does a bunch of cute things, and learns a lesson.
actually haven’t seen that in a while! and would like too!
Yeah, I always enjoyed the ones Pixar had, but they seem to have phased that out. I’ve missed them as well, though I admit that overuse could wear out their welcome…
24. Flying (if the movie is in 3D.)
We’re waiting for that last wacky scene at the end of the credit roll.
I LIKE those! It’s my reward for sitting through the credits, which I enjoy, and also retribution for those who get up and block my view — hah! They missed the little button at the end of Winnie the Pooh!
I would like to see some kind of serious drama or thriller have a “gag” at the end of the credits, just to mix things up. I sometimes sit through the credits of such films, secretly hoping there will be some kidn of easter egg at the end. No dice. It doesn’t need to be “funny” per se, maybe just some kind of addendum that adds some kind of icing on the cake of the whole thing.
A great one would be if, after the credits of Inception, they cut back to the top and either showed it falling or still spinning. Maybe have both, show one version in some theaters and and the other in others, and let people argue about it around the watercooler…
A character with stand with wide eyes and mouth agape (possibly in slo-mo) after witnessing no’s 1,2,3, or 4.
25. Slow motion
26. When an urban character is moved to a rural setting, the urban character must learn to accept – even love – said rural setting, even if the rural setting is a go-nowhere shithole.
You are looking at the rules on how Dreamworks makes their cartoons. Anyways here’s something for the fun of it.
27. If its a hit, make more sequels. That way it can make the first one look bad.
You think it’s only about Dreamworks now, but just wait until Cars 2 comes out.
I really like this list, pretty spot on. Although the “Poochy” Simpsons episode is, in my opinion, the definitive commentary on executive decision making regarding kids entertainment.
Someone farts.
28. After weeks of eager waiting for something revolutionary original, you are left with a feeling that is best interpreted as : ” Was that it? “
AWW! just wach the smurf movie when it comes out, it will be like a documentary on this list. :(
30. Try to make everything “hip” by adding things that do not belong in the movie.
33. When making a trailer, be sure to have the pace build up around 2/3rds in, then bring it all crashing to a standstill with a character walking smack into a wall/post/door/object, with appropriately enhanced sound FX. Then re-cue the upbeat soundtrack, now more ‘fun loving’ in tone if the first part was fast-paced.
AKA, the smack-in-the-face money shot.
34. Produce posters of odd pairings of every one of your 1,253 amusing characters standing under a pun, set against a sky blue background.
35. Pop Culture references. Lots and lots of Pop Culture references.
Preferable 80s Pop Culture references. Because there’s nothing kids love more than hearing/seeing a reference to a show/movie that’s “old,” because old things definitely aren’t “stupid.”
36. Free pass from every critic and adult to be as sentimental and contrived as possible.
Wait, that’s almost every animated film ever made.
So very, very true.
At some point during the movie some character needs to say:
“That’s Gotta Hurt!”
38. A fat animal character must do some form of rump shaking bum dance.
39. “There is no ‘us’!”
Metaphorical poop in fear/surprise/shock
Metaphorical???? If only!
41. During a tense and scary moment, main character and sidekick bump together back to back, then turn to face each other and scream simultaneously at the top of their lungs.
i don’t know which is more upsetting to me, the fact that all of it is so true, or the fact that there are so many people here who have seen these crappy cg movies, and yet somehow continue to see them and criticize them.
I don’t watch any new animation movies because of the reasons listed above and many others.
I guess you can go through your life looking at train-wrecks or you can avoid them and enjoy the good stuff. I will do the latter.
Rango was a recent CG movie that was really good.
I think everyone goes to see these movies with the glisten of hope that maybe, just MAYBE they won’t be so bad.
They fool us everytime!
You try avoiding it with children, or even siblings if you’re young enough. The sheer number of times I’ve had to hear some Shrek variation playing in the background at holidays…
I’ve managed to hijack the dvd player once or twice with Looney Tunes, only to have my aunt complain about how “Those old, boring cartoons can’t possibly keep the kids occupied!” Despite her concerns nearly every one of the brats was completely silent for the first time all day; staring at the screen with rapt fascination.
You tell that aunt!
I watch every new animated film that comes out. I can’t help it.
There’s often many gems and things to recommend them.
I just think it’s beautiful that everyone managed to stay roughly in order. There’s only one instance of the order getting messed up: #36. Other than that, everyone – regardless of what they wanted to say – managed to put it in the right order. Now that’s teamwork. Good job everyone – I’m proud of all of you.
Yes, well done everyone. Now let’s try a write a script!
I believe the Brewmasters programmed these replies so they would all be in order.
Someone needs to make this into a T-Shirt. Like “now”.
Phew!
Looks like The Incredibles is safe.
Yep, I think the Incredibles is safe from the list (of course, I’m ignoring #1 and #4)
764. Originality.
42- At 3/4 of the movie’s length, the hero gets angry and splits up with his best friend/new friends/fellow mates who want to be his friend/the girl he wants to be with/his parents.
43- When the two main characters meet themselves at the beginning of the movie, they both stare and scream to each other.
44- Always put #43 in the trailer.
45- ‘TUDE face on the poster, even for the most shy character.
Oh and don’t forget the scratching-the-needle-across-a-record sound effect for some funny or awkward moment and have characters look at each other in surprise.
It’s guaranteed to be hilarious……never mind the fact that at least 75% of the audience wasn’t even born until a decade or two AFTER the last record was pressed and has no idea what the “funny” sound is.
Oh, and the ballsy, kick-ass, overly-masculine Chick with the heart of gold….my most HATED movie cliche of all.
They still make records, they are the only part of the music industry growing in sales last I heard. I believe it is used as a music instrument in some cases still.
Sometimes they are purchased for the purpose of listening to music. I have a few recently released records. I believe a digital master pressed into vinyl and played on a good sound system produces the best possible sound. I’m not an audiophile so somebody else could explain this better.
46. Hey, the animation is actually good! Shame about everything else..
5) Farts, insert where needed.
6) Spend most of film budget on big name voice actors who will either ‘phone it in’ or ham it up bigtime.
7) Neglect story and pacing for the sake of showing off latest fur and water rendering FX.
8) Hire freelancers who’ve worked on other hit films so we can put ‘from the makers of X’ on poster.
9) If it makes even 10 bucks more than what we spent on it, do it again next year.
47. The Wilhelm Scream. ; )
The Heimlich Manouever
99. Neil Diamond voices a character based on himself and Jesus (Oh, wait. That got killed in development)
The villain is downed after the epic/climatic battle, the hero turns his back and faces the camera as he catches his/her breath and comforts the innocent victim. Just then, as all seems well, the villain rises from seeming defeat for a big shock/surprise/unexpected final attack.
48. The Dolly Zoom Shot.
49 – Burping characters.
49. The Protagonist is a natural born talent but he doesn’t know it yet. A few weeks before the big competition he learns of his new talent and begins training to defeat the most talented hard working villain in the world and beats him/her. The moral of the story? Once you find your talent you only have to work a few weeks to be a master. Oh and don’t be a villain.
50. If an ethnic person does a voice over their character has to dance. Preferably in womens clothing.
51. The villain has a thin mustache and/or a black and purple color scheme.
52. Toy rendering is easy. Make toy movie. Water rendering gets better. Make Surfing movie. Hair rendering gets better. Make hairy princess movie. Feather rendering gets better. Make bird movie. etc.
two male characters accidentally get too close and turn in disgust/scream just to keep kids safe from any idea of anything gay…sigh
Hoping that one goes extinct. Haven’t seen it recently, but the idea is one that needs to go…
The Emperor’s New Groove.
Make a movie trailer with a lame gag about nicotine patches and thus turn away millions in box office revenues because of all the people who would have loved the movie if they had chosen to see it but didn’t because the marketing was smello.
Acknowledging that #36 and #49 were used twice…
#55. Merchandising, merchandising, merchandising.
Slap your movie on EVERYTHING: T-shirts, Happy Meals, coloring books, dolls, bedspreads, breakfast cereals, video games, Broadway musicals, spin-off TV specials you can flog on DVD…
This is the best comment in the thread.
Agreed. In yo’ face! hahahahahhaa
I couldn’t agree more old man.
Do you honestly think that the majority of us have the resources and time to make a CGI film? Even if we did, this argument is ridiculous. Making a film and critiquing a film are two completely seperate, mutually exclusive things. I’m sure you know that, but it makes you feel better about your crappy movies. I hate to tell you this, but your billion dollar movies can’t touch what Chuck Jones was doing with .5 percent of your budget 60 years ago.
You seem to be mistaken old man.
You see, Holly merely stated that one should make their own animated films.
The old man did not specify whether these animated films were CGI or not. He merely stated animated films.
Unless of course you don’t consider stop-motion as animated?
Really old man, read between the lines before you criticize ones opinion.
Personally though. Chuck Jones didn’t touch Clampett, let alone Avery.
Yippee! I am happy to report none of my projects have those BUT on the other hand that is the very same reason I am afraid.
The up-turned eyebrow, crooked smile combo.
At least some of the good pixar ones didn’t do it.