Dear People of India,
As of tomorrow, anything animated–whether CG, stop-motion, Flash or drawn–will be taken off of your airwaves and out of your theaters. Additionally, any DVDs containing animation can be dumped in useless neighboring countries like Pakistan and Bangladesh. Furthermore, a moratorium will be placed on any animation currently being produced in India. Send your animators home. Trust me, nobody wants to see this crap anyways. As part of your cartoon re-education, all children’s toys based on cartoon characters must be traded in within 72 hours for books about Renaissance painting and storytelling how-tos by Robert McKee. As a goodwill gesture, we will also ship you Richard Williams who will conduct his popular Masterclass in India’s 200 largest cities.
We’ll try the plan for two years. Don’t worry, good ideas like this take time. When the fine people of India feel they’re good and ready to respect the animation art form, I will personally send over a print of One Froggy Evening. If you enjoy that more than you did Roadside Romeo, we’ll send you Dumbo the following month. If you still enjoy Roadside Romeo, we’ll take more drastic measures like defrosting Walt and sending him over to help you see the light. Either way you’ll finally be able to see that your enthusiasm for Roadside Romeo was one huge terrible fucking mistake. Don’t feel too bad, even animation-savvy countries make mistakes sometimes.
Do we have a deal India? Let me know when you have a moment. We’ll go to In-n-Out afterwards to celebrate.