spongebobrectal1.jpg spongebobrectal1.jpg
Bad IdeasCartoon CultureEssentials

Spongebob Musical Rectal Thermometer


Are you ready to put this in your “Bikini Bottom”?

spongebobrectal2.jpg I was shopping at the supermarket yesterday when I came upon a unique piece of Nickelodeon merchandising – a Spongebob Squarepants Musical Rectal Thermometer! Yes, it’s musical. And yes, it’s clearly marked for rectal use. It actually plays the Spongebob theme in your ass when your temperature is taken!

Spongebob is a huge success, and merchandise like this literally sticks it to the competition. But this product ranks with the infamous Mickey Mouse vibrator as one of the most miscast in cartoon licensing history! What were they thinking? Spongebob has enough trouble regarding his sexual identity. Ren & Stimpy may have been a better choice here… but Spongebob? Nah!

  • Jenny

    heh, well it does say oral, underarm, OR rectal thermometer.

  • Chris Sobieniak

    Why am I’m not surprised by this, TELL ME!?! :-)

  • wundermild

    If I hadn’t known that sponges (porifera) generally multiply by budding (asexually), or by releasing spermatocytes freely into the invironment (for sexual reproduction), I could possibly have mistaken the thermal sensor coming down the square pants for a reproductive organ.
    By the way, poriferans are generally hermaphrodites. (And no, they have no anal orifice.)
    Jerry, this entry made my day.

  • I cease to be surprised at all. Actually, it just about sums up all my feelings on the franchise. And I didn’t even have to directly say anything about it.

  • Andrew N.

    Amazing how… :ahem: DEEP marketeers can go these days to profit a few more coins from a character.

  • C. Augusto Valdés

    “Rectal” and “Musical” are two words that should NEVER ever go together!

  • It’s pretty impressive alright…

  • That is about as FUNNY a post to wake up to as can be!! Thank YOO!

  • david

    I think it’s a pretty good idea! Crazy and weird, yes, but what little kid is gonna want a rectal thermometer up their butt? but if they see Spongebob, they might just be more likely to cooperate.

    next up:
    Spongebob vaccination needles!

  • EdK

    I wouldn’t pay full price for one of these – I’ll wait and get a second hand one!

  • Ha! Bound to lead to emotional scars, or some really odd fetishes that’ll pop up in twenty years. I can only imagine a child looking back over its shouder to see SpongeBob singing Are you ready kid?!

  • Edwin Austin

    I’ll wait for the Hello Kitty version

  • rachel

    My guess is that they’re thinking the music & the fun character will make kids less reluctant to have their temperature taken “that” way– which I guess makes sense in theory–but seeing the actual product, there’s something just really really disturbing about the idea of Spongebob’s big neon yellow head sticking out of someone’s rear while the SBSP theme songs plays. Ick!

  • Pedro Nakama


  • tom

    Show us on the dolly where Spongebob touched you, Timmy.

    Whiskey tango foxtrot why on earth did they license this thing?

  • Sorry, Spongebob. My butt makes music the old-fashioned way.


  • red pill junkie

    It is the same mentality of piñata makers here in Mexico: whenever there’s a birthday party, the parents buy a piñata of the kid’s favorite character; which has never made any sense to me, because why do parents think the kid wants to beat the crap out of his/her hero just to get some candy from its innards??

    I still remember the tears of my nephew when he was 4 years old and his parents encouraged him to beat this piñata of Barney they had bought. But don’t worry though, I took care of that purple freak well and good :-)

  • Mr. Semaj

    Mr. Krabs would have a few things to say for this naughty nautical merchandise…

  • Floyd Norman

    Animation executives have been doing just fine without this device.


  • Killroy McFate

    Look for it next to The Fairly Odd Parents Enema Bags at your favorite store!

  • joecab

    I *HOPE* this was created as a strict ploy to make money rather than someone thinking “is there a way to make taking a kid’s temperature in their butt … fun?”

    This is also one of those things that you wonder what the point is, since when you’re using it you can’t exactly see it, can you? You know, like Bluetooth earpieces that light up.

  • Some Guy

    If you were Spongebob, would you know which hole to stick in?

  • Who lives inbetween your buttcheeks under the sea?
    spongebob rectal thermometer!
    cold and sterile and pointy is he!
    spongebob rectal thermometer!
    if cold metal in anus is something you wish,
    spongebob rectal thermometer??
    than read the instructions and insert it like THIS
    spongebob rectal thermometer!
    spongebob rectal
    spongebob rectal
    spongebob rectal
    yah ha ha ha haarrrrr

  • Guy That Ruins Joke

    Technically, it doesn’t have to be a *rectal* thermometer — the writeup on that site says it can be used as an oral or underarm thermometer, too…

  • top cat james

    Wouldn’t the music be muffled?

  • Vern

    These things are just flyin’ off the shelves in San Francisco. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  • Jay Kormann

    SpongeBob SquareAss

  • fishmorg

    This… ia an absolutely perfect combination of character and product. The function this character was born to perform.

  • c.tower

    A MICKEY vibrator and a SPONGEBOB rectal thermometer? Wow, they got us coming AND going! (At least I know Mickey really HAS come from The Happiest Place On Earth…)

  • Keith Bryant

    What’s next? Mr. Crabs lice ointment?

  • Both rectal AND oral???

    Oh wow. I think once I used a thermometer as a rectal one, it would STAY a rectal one.

  • Dear Sir, I do not think that you have fully grasped the humor of this situation. Do not imagine being the advertising executive for SpongeBob who pitched this, but rather imagine being the Rectal Thermometer manufacturer who agrees to it.

  • A Kaplan

    I have to agree with my old pal Uncle Wayne, it sure is funny. Can you imagine seeing that silly grinning face sticking out of your butt… that’ll certainly give you a fever. It looks like you’re giving birth.

    Instead of playing his theme song I’d opt for the Lynrd Skynrd classic “That Smell” as being more appropriate. But wouldn’t the whole idea have been better suited for another cartoon character… R. Crumb’s Mr. Snoid!

  • Gives a whole new meaning to the “Ripped Pants” episode.

  • David

    I have a question for the smarter folks:
    When is an oral adminstration of a thermometer insufficient? What’s the deal?
    I think it’s really the doctors/uncles with the “preference.”

    “Sorry, little Jimmy, but since it’s a Thursday, your mouth isn’t calibrated. Bend over.”

  • Kevin Wollenweber

    When people are considering other characters for a device like this, I think that the obvious choice has not yet been considered–Mr. Hanky, of course!!

  • zavkram

    I believe that when the package says, “Rectal, Underarm, or Oral” the implication is that consumers will choose ONLY ONE of these options and NOT ALL THREE on an alternating basis…

    Spongebob: “Does your thermometer taste DIFFERENT lately…?”

    I have a friend with a 5-month-old son who has a pair of Spongebob Squarepants slippers. I might actually get this for her as a gag gift!

  • Steve Gattuso

    I see this as an enormous tweak of the nose by the people at Nick. If I had such a weird character to play with, I’d be trying to come up with oddball things to use it on as well. Maybe a brand of ice axe, or ear wax remover. Maybe even official unsafe fireworks!

  • And I thought there were too many Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer things on the market than necessary. Bring on the Cars Hair Removal Wand!

  • J Hobart B

    David’s right – It’s really not that strange. Not only is rectal use only one of several options listed on the packaging, but this is obviously supposed to be for very young kids. VERY young kids.

    Young kids who, you know, probably aren’t thrilled about having to have their temperature taken ANYWHERE, but most certainly not their butts? Young kids who maybe might find the idea a little more agreeable if one of their cartoon pals is present during the ordeal? Right?

    Sounds like a pretty good idea to me, actually.

  • If it came in a Tinky Winky version, I’d buy it!

    Just as an aside, I worked as an RN for 25 years and in all that time, I NEVER took a rectal temperature, other than on newborn babies, and that was as much to check that they had a patent anus (oops, sorry, hope I’m allowed to say that here) as to measure their temperature.

  • Gerrit

    I totally love it

  • This is just plain wrong to start with.

    And then it turns out to be musical.

    Just, wow.

    And regarding rectal temperatures, you have to take them with kids too young to hold thermometers in their mouths for over a few seconds and unable to hold still for underarm temperature taking. My seven year olds still can’t reliably use an oral thermometer. Underarm has been fine for several years though.

    Of course, you can avoid rectal thermometers altogether by using an ear thermometer that registers in just a few seconds.

    So the idea that people (and I am not limiting this to PARENTS for all too obvious reasons) might use a singing Spongebob rectal thermometer is even more disturbing.

  • Well, I hate to say that it sounds a bit different, but I assume that it at least might distract the kids a bit while they are getting their temperature taken. I know that my kids would like it. And most people don’t take temperatures rectally anyways. The doctor basically says that you just add a degree if you take it under the arm. I am sure this one could be used both ways.

  • nedders

    Guess which end do you shove in?

  • Thanks – I have been looking for unique niche market items to sell on eBay and on my website, it’ll be a lot of fun writing my adsense campaign for this one! “Spongebob For Your Butt” is so catchy!

  • nedders

    Silly me! Just tried it – only the pointy end fits in your mouth. The square end could be a bit of a better shape but will fit the rear if you push hard enough. (Hard to hear the music though).

  • Ceaser

    The Mickey Vibrator is actually sort of cute. Unlike the Spongebob Thermometer, it actually seems tasteful. I’m just wondering how Disney allowed this…

  • Zippy

    That rocks!

    I’m still waiting for my Pikachu tazer.

  • Rick

    Y’know, all those years ago when I said “You can take that ‘Spongebob” crap and shove it up your ass”, I really didn’t think it would go this far.

  • Mrchapel0971

    Whats the difference between and oral and rectal thermometer?
    The taste!

    To Ceaser…Sponge Bob is owned by Nickelodeon, not Disney…which if ya think about it…is even more disturbing!

  • The best part about weird stuff like this is all the wicked commentary it generates. I love reading the opinions people have about what is and isn’t a good idea to put in your butt.

  • captain obvious

    Well, it’s rather obvious that the Mickey Mouse Vibrator is a counterfeit knock-off item, probably made in china. (note how it says “Good Guy” instead of “Mickey” and nowhere does it have the Disney brand name) So, that makes the officially licensed Spongebob rectal thermometer much more, er, surprising.

  • Hygenist

    Underarm, rectal and oral… don’t think I’d want it in my mouth after that.

    And why doesn’t it have a compass, an alarm-clock, flash-light and miniature radio?

  • Dotty

    You know spongebob already scares me, so does the word rectal thermometer. Put them both together and you’ll find me hiding under my bed. The fact that it actually plays the spongebob them in your ass while it’s taken, well thats just slightly disturbing. NO I take that back. It’s VERY disturbing. If I was a kid and I saw a doctor or my mum coming near me with that thing, I think I’d have nightmares for the rest of my life.

  • dave

    LOL I bet the right wing bible thumpers have a fit about this one !! remember when they said his nose looked like a penis ??LOL

  • Lee

    You all need to grow up! It is a typical digital thermometer. They all say the same thing. If your kid was sick and scared to have their temperature taken the Spongebob Digital Thermometer would probably be pretty relaxing to them if they liked Spongebob.

  • Savannah

    oh wow…that makes me sad.

  • Julia

    I want one! My son would love it!

  • remember the famous bloopers show when gene eubanks was m.cing? well, they did a blooper of a newlywed game and the participant wife actually wrote the answer as: “…up the butt, bob…”. and there you have it !

    i have a 5 yr old and my husband is a physician. we have NEVER taken a rectal temp of our child/children. in fact, NONE of the professionals have, nor do any of the parents we know. temps are generally taken under the arm (the axillary region) and it is noted as this, on the chart. (either orifice could pose a problem w/a sick child.)

    now, imagine spongebob playing music while a sick child is having his underarm temp taken. that kinda makes sense … but i still would never buy this item or encourage other moms to. there is a reality check here and professionals should have professinal equipment to assist the kids and teach them that fear should not be associated w/a medical professional. would ‘an up the butt bob’ do that?

    ridiculous! so …….. poor nick – the licensing of this item could be ‘up the butt at bikini bottom’ ………………

  • Steve

    If you can jazz up something mundane like a thermometer I say go for it. Can’t you see them using a Desparate Housewives likeness? or someone from Lost? as long as you aren’t paying a super premium over the cost…

  • jp

    Its pretty funny but doesn’t need a page of comments. spongebob idb ftw!

  • Nice find, Jerry! Too funny…

    I never expected Spongebob to get me in the end…
    (Patrick, yes. Maybe even Squidward?)

  • Hans

    I’m 31, and i want one. I love SpongeBob and this is really cool.

  • dick

    I suspect a tie-in with a forthcoming Spongebob movie. Title? I dunno.

  • I sense a great disturbance in the arse.

    As if a million theme tunes played in oblivion and were suddenly crapped on.


  • Spongebob ‘Tear’pants

    I like how the thermometer is cleverly positioned where SB’s penis would be. Look how excited he is! You can tell he is hoping for oral or rectal and not armpit! Oh, and don’t forget to slide a plastic sheath over the tip so we don’t spread “germs”! I wonder if looking at the other side of the thermometer reveals two little yellow balls hanging out of his pants.

  • Julia

    And the comments are getting funnier and funnier. I love it.
    If anyone is offended. Get over it. LOL
    I have a non sponge pants thermometer that is good for the arse too but i’d never use that for a child. It’s just the stupidity of the thought of licensing SB for a normal thermometer of which they are all good for armpit, tongue and arse.
    I think Gary’s eyes are poppin!!

  • I still love a lot of things as an adult that I loved as a child. Bugs Bunny, Transformers, Batman, He-Man, Hotwheels, Tom and Jerry, just to name a few.

    I have a feeling that I would love any and all of these things much, much less today had they ever been shoved up my bum as a child.

  • Ahhh love fridays at Nick.

  • S.Funk

    Ren and Stimpy rectal thermometers? What about anal probing with Invader ZIM? You could use it to provide much-needed laughs at a mental institution, and dare your drunk-out-of-their-minds frat buddies to stick the wrong end in. Any one of the enormous, spiky-headed, angular noggins of the main characters would REALLY REALLY HURT.

  • ridgecity

    “honey! I need to take your temperature! I got you a Spongebob thermometer! close your eyes!” “Yay mom! I love you so mu… AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

  • Well if you have to be probed at least you get serenaded!

  • Dan

    I think this is great! I’m gonna buy one and try it out!

  • sharon

    “Rectal Method: (Recommended for babies or very young children who
    breathe through their mouth.)
    Lubricate the tip of the thermometer with a water soluble jelly such as K-Y®
    Jelly. Do not use petroleum jelly. The patient should lie on his/her side, knees
    slightly bent. If the patient is a baby, place the infant on its stomach with
    legs hanging down, either across your knees or at the edge of a bed or
    changing table. This positions the baby’s rectum properly for safe and easy
    insertion of the thermometer.
    With one hand, gently slide the tip of the thermometer no more than 1/2
    inch into the rectum. If you detect resistance of any kind, STOP. Hold
    thermometer in place during temperature measurement. Once used rectally,
    the thermometer should not be used orally, for sanitary reasons.
    At the completion of the measurement the “°C” or “°F” will stop flashing
    and the thermometer will play the SpongeBobâ„¢ tune for approximately
    30 seconds.”
    PLAYS for a complete 30 seconds….to allow the tears to quiet down i suspect…

  • gomer

    Actualy to some children or a well lubercated sponge slideing up their butt actuley feels good.

  • asswipe37

    I am 47 and I still have my wife take my temp rectaly with a mercury thermometer because I enjoy it…

  • My, god.

    What awful, awful merchandising.

  • That is hilarious!!!! My 2 year old son would love that…even if it might go in his bum. LOL!!! Doesn’t matter what it is, as long as Spongebob is on it, he wants it.


    So… are you ready to put this in your bikini bottom?
    aye aye captain


    Who takes your temperature, up in your tush?
    Just bend over matey and give it a push.
    Spongebob Squarepants
    He gives oral or rectal whatever you wish.
    spongebob squarepants
    He plays music inside you, just give him a squish.


  • For any parent to purchase a SpongeBob plastic image that would be used to slide up inside their’s children’s rears is twisted thinking. For infants who need their temps taken rectally, they are too young to know the cartoon figure. Any kid old enough to watch cartoons can have the temp taken under the arm or by the ear device. Four and older can learn to have the thermometer held under the tongue. I have a vivid recollection of a nurse instructing me to “pull down my
    britches” while she shook down a thermometer. I realized she was about to put that cold, glass object up my rear, yet I knew if I made
    too much protest, my mother would come in and spank my soon-to-be bare bottom for “not minding.” I told the nurse, “My mother uses the one that goes under my tongue, so I can hold that in my mouth.” The nurse feigned surprise, said, “Oh” and switched thermometers to the oral type. Thankfully I did not have to suffer the embarrassment of having my pants pulled down nor my fanny whacked that day. I think the manufacturers of this silly item need to have their own brand of Spongebob Stick-It-Up-You-Know-Where for inventing such an anal (groan, pun intended) product.

  • This is like a candy. Just awful.

  • Robin

    Whom ever came up with this sort device must really be messed up in the head,cause this is just down right wrong.

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    • Fred Sparrman

      Just trying to help keep this thread on topic:

      Stick it up your ass!

  • Josh

    Wouldn’t be the first time Spongebobs been a pain in the butt! What a weird merchandising choice…

  • DonaldC

    How appropriate.

  • Ryan Storm

    I’ve seen this once on some fail toy blog and once in Spencer’s.
    Also you saying Ren and Stimpy would make a better rectal thermometer just makes me think of Stimpy’s nose as the part inserted.

  • Anonymous
  • Mad Dog

    I want one….because its so awkward.


  • Ohhhhhh…. Who lives in your ass next to your toosh?
    spongebob square pants!
    who gives oral or rectal whatever you wish!
    spongebob square pants!
    just bend over and give it a push!!
    spongebob square pants!
    he plays music inside you just give him a squish!!!
    spongebob square pants!